Spoken Truths of Domestic Violence by the Anonymous

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  • “We were both physically attracted to each other from the very beginning. We weren’t friends before we dated, it was all very quick. We dated for eight weeks and would fight basically every weekend, but would have it resolved by the beginning of the week every time. I personally felt like it was love-bombing, how he would take away approval or affection but would give it back. Four weeks in I tried to leave, and he said ‘if you leave me, I will kill myself.’ I knew he had a toxic home life, an abusive father, and struggled with mental health. He had a previous suicide attempt, and tried to guilt me into staying two more times before our very complicated breakup. During the relationship, it felt like we were only together for validation, and we would both flirt with other people to make each other jealous. He wasn’t publicly out as bisexual during our relationship, but was out to me- and would flirt with other guys to make me jealous.”

  • “I dated a guy for eight months, and for the last three months of our relationship would take nude photos of me without my consent, which is basically sexual assault. To get them deleted, I had to involve my dad and would threaten to notify authorities. He started getting distant, more aggressive, and would only talk to me for sexual reasons. He’d only praise me if I did “things” for him. I really tried to stay amicable after the breakup, but I realized that he only loved me for what he wanted me to do to him, and I really just wanted validation. 2-3 months post-breakup, I really needed closure, so I went up to him in person. I said to his face, “I don’t respect you as a person.”

  • “He would change moods moment to moment. At first, he was so sweet, but would just turn pure evil at the drop of a hat. I held on for his sweet side. While on a trip and during our breakup, he raised his hand at me ready to hit. Thankfully before he made contact, it was lowered. Years later, I still have relationship fear and trust issues. He ended up repeatedly cheating on me out of fear I was doing the same. I’m terrified to get into another relationship even though it’s been almost ten years.”

  • Got into a relationship right before the pandemic hit and right after my grandfather’s cancer diagnosis. Suddenly minor inconveniences of his were my fault, and I couldn’t do anything right. His mood would change second-by-second, and I was honestly scared to say anything at all in fear I would just be labeled a “problem.” I felt degraded, upset, and like a failure while in the relationship- except for the days where he was the opposite. The days I would wake up to “good morning” texts, the FaceTime calls full of giggling, and the flirting, were the best days. Unfortunately, I can count on one hand how many times that happened. He even accused me of lying to him when I told him I couldn’t go out because I was spending time with my ailing grandfather. Towards the end, when I made myself as crystal clear as I could that I no longer wanted the relationship, he guilted me into staying another three months; until suddenly he cut contact completely. I was thankful he did that, as I was sick of his manipulation and games. I am so much happier without him.

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